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12 grudge holders that you’d better watch out

12 Grudge Holders That You’d Better Watch Out

Everyone is quite different in how to handle negative emotions. While some people try to let things go, others just hold on to their feelings. But what personality type holds grudges? BestLifeTips will show you right now.

Everyone agrees it is a two-way road in which individuals communicate their feelings while accepting each other’s different characteristics. Some people carry resentment for a longer period of time than others, making it harder to let go. So, in a partnership, what personality type holds grudges? And how to deal with grudges holders? Let’s find out with BestLifeTips.

Why do people hold grudges?

People have been keeping grudges from childhood as a means of dealing with bad thoughts and situations. This is a common reaction when you believe someone has harmed you on purpose, cruelly, or without thinking, especially if they don’t appear to care or make an effort to apologize or make things right.

To be more precise, you will be more prone to carry a grudge if you have low self-esteem, poor coping skills, were humiliated by the pain, and/or have a short temper.

While we all have the tendency to hold grudges from time to time, some people are more prone to harboring resentments or rage than others. It’s possible that carrying grudges—and blaming others—is a sort of self-defense. In a similar manner, some people may be more conscious that they are feeding emotions of bitterness than others, who may be completely ignorant of their part in keeping their anger. Bitterness can develop over time as a result of a number of situations, both major and minor.

What personality type holds grudges in relationship?

What personality type do you have, and where do you think you sit on the grudge-holding level? Some personality types are more likely than others to hold hatreds, according to the Myers-Briggs personality classification system. Which sort of personality is the most aggressive? It’s worth noting that introverts and extroverts retain grudges in different ways. Introverts, for example, tend to retain grudges for longer periods of time and may not be aware of it. Extroverts are more upfront about their anger and are less likely to hold grudges for long.

See more: Take your free personality test here


It’s a little more complicated for INFJs than just carrying a grudge, because they may be all or nothing when it comes to relationships. Even if their loved ones make errors, the INFJ will forgive them and continue to support them. They will continue to attempt to offer them additional chances to change for a long time, until they are fed up with their actions. When the INFJ reaches their breaking point, they will permanently cut this person out of their lives. This is generally always a long-term decision made to protect themselves from being wounded or mistreated again. In some ways, this implies that INFJs may carry grudges indefinitely, but it’s more complicated than that.


ENFJs are prone to holding grudges, especially if they are forced to interact with someone they hate. They attempt to be respectful and avoid doing anything that might be perceived as impolite or disrespectful. When ENFJs are attempting to get along with someone, they will try to ignore their own feelings. ENFJs can retain a grudge for a long time, even forever, if the other person’s acts are very horrible. When they are angry with someone, it is because they have mistreated them on a deep and serious level, rather than for little issues.

what personality type holds grudges

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The INTJ will remove individuals out of their lives for the better, but more for logical than emotional reasons (i.e., they aren’t loyal or trustworthy). When it comes to grudges, they prefer not to be burdened by negative emotions, but they will go to any length to keep the undesirables out of their sight and out of their business.

The INTJ, labeled “the coldest human”, takes things less personally than an INFJ, but they’re more interested in the external world than their “P” counterparts, whether they like it or not.


ESTJs might carry grudges for a long time, especially if someone does not make an effort to make apologies. They do, however, desire to forgive people, especially if it allows them to stay in the community. They want to keep ties rather than burn bridges. When someone apologizes and tries to be nice to the ESTJ, they will almost definitely try to let go of their unpleasant feelings from the past. Even if they appear to have forgiven that person, they may never trust them again.


ISFJs don’t like to carry grudges, although they can do so in specific conditions. When someone harms their loved ones or has really mistreated them, the ISFJ has a difficult time letting go. They can hold a grudge for a long time, and forgiving them will require a lot of effort. ISFJs, on the other hand, will ultimately let go, especially if the other person attempts to make apologies and appears serious.


ESFJs, have a tendency to suppress their negative feelings, which might creep up on them and catch them off guard (and others). They prefer to let things go, but their hidden thoughts might drive them to harbor a grudge against someone without recognizing it or comprehending their own thoughts for a long time.

They are a powerful ally because of their devotion and feeling of duty, but when they are injured, they become protective and unable to let go of the offense.


ISTPs don’t like to carry grudges and prefer to let go of things. They don’t enjoy focusing on the past and don’t want to be held back by it. ISTPs desire to be able to appreciate the present moment without being burdened by negative feelings toward others. They may not trust someone who has deceived them in some manner, but they do not need to carry a childish hatred toward them.


ESTPs can carry grudges for a long period, although this typically indicates that they still care for the person. When the ESTP has lost all interest in the situation, they will let go of their anger. When they believe they have been mistreated, they grow frustrated and refuse to let it go. ESTPs are concerned about their loved ones and find it challenging to totally trust others. When they do provide their confidence, the ESTP might be difficult to forgive if that trust is broken.

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ISFPs dislike holding grudges and want to live in the moment. When someone has harmed them, they will most likely forgive just because it is the proper thing to do. ISFPs are ethical individuals who try to be the best version of themselves. They choose to live in the now rather than be consumed by regrets from the past. ISFPs rarely carry grudges for lengthy periods of time since it just hurts them.


ESFPs aim to live in the present moment as much as possible and avoid holding on to bad feelings. They will make every effort to let go of any grudges they may have. While ESFPs are willing to forgive their loved ones for their faults, there are times when they find it difficult to let go. When someone has genuinely deceived the ESFP and turned their back on them, they are likely to hold a grudge against them for the rest of their lives. It depends on how much the other has offended them for them, because forgiveness is usually possible.

What personality type holds grudges in relationship

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INTPs tend not to carry grudges and prefer to find solutions to problems. INTPs can often bury their own feelings and avoid dealing with them, despite the fact that they don’t appreciate carrying grudges against others. When the INTP hides their feelings, they may find themselves holding a grudge that they aren’t even aware of. This might lead to them becoming irritated with someone without completely knowing why. INTPs function best when they are able to process their feelings and find solutions to their problems with others.


ENTPs avoid holding grudges because they don’t want to be held back or limited by their emotions. They’d rather move on and try to let go of their negative feelings. While ENTPs do not hold grudges, they will remember what has been done to them. They will most likely want to avoid this person at all costs, or they will just lose faith in them. Even if it involves putting someone in their place, ENTPs will rather find ways to address their anger.

How to deal with grudge holders?

Though you aren’t responsible for your partner’s behavior, there are a number of ways you may help them in letting go of negative emotions. Even little gestures such as recognizing their feelings or admitting that you have hurt them may make a significant impact.

Let them talk

It’s difficult to know what to expect in any conversation, especially one concerning something sensitive like your partner’s grudge. It’s helpful to understand why your partner is providing information regarding their resentment against another person if they are opening up about it. Ask if they want a release or a clarification by asking questions at the start of the chat. This will assist you in determining what type of function they require you to play at the time.

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Show your empathy

The following step is to reflect your partner’s feelings, showing that you not only heard what happened but also imagined how they felt. You’re mirroring their feelings back to them. This is not the moment to minimize your partner’s feelings but  Instead, try to accurately identify and affirm your partner’s feelings and let them know they’re in a better position to begin problem-solving now.

How to deal with grudge holders

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Stay calm

Use a calm voice and understanding while talking to them. You’d better be fully aware that it’s easy to use an accusing tone when discussing your partner about their tendency to hold grudges. That will make the discussion even worse and stir their negative emotions.

Make an apology for your part

You could be tempted to get defensive if your partner has a grudge against you. Try not to make this a contest of who’s right and who’s wrong, no matter how much they’re hurting. Apologize instead. Express your regret for hurting their feelings, even if you don’t believe you did anything particularly wrong. Let them know that you value the relationship and how you feel more.

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Saying simple things like “I’m here for you” and “I love you” may have a huge effect. If your partner feels really safe and supported, they’ll be able to let go of old traumas. Get to know what personality type holds grudges might help you to understand people’s tendencies and know how to help them. Return BestLifeTips often for more relationship helpful tips.