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Holding grudges is a common reaction towards negative feelings and events. This might be particularly popular when people think others have done something to hurt them on purpose. Especially when they don’t seem to care or make any effort to say sorry or to fix the situation. Here’s what you need to know about holding grudges and some of quote about holding grudges to ease your mind. Let’s find out with BestLifeTips.
Why do people hold grudges?
Grudges don’t make everyone suffer, they can let it go after some healthy processing while other don’t. They hold on to grudges for years and even have grudges stemming from their childhood. Even when you don’t think of yourself as a grudge holding person, you still have it to some level. Holding grudges is very common behavior, but why do we react in that way?
People with specific personality types and traits are more inclined to respond to angry or bitter feelings in this way. Grudges are less likely to be held by individuals who are more sympathetic, resilient, have a greater ability to self-regulate, and have stronger coping abilities. Surprisingly, research also suggests that some lifestyle practices, such as regular exercise, can help you be more forgiving and flexible.
We all have experienced that feeling when a friend confessed his/her feeling for an event that happened long time ago. Why did they hold on to that feeling instead of talking about it out loud?
It’s difficult to say why certain people are more likely to hold grudges than others. However, this behavior is influenced by a variety of factors, including innate personality traits, childhood experiences with conflicts, hurts, and anger, family dynamics, and a tendency to see situations and people as “all good” or “all bad,” all of which influence our behaviors, emotions, and reactions.
It’s easy for a person with a tendency for holding grudges to jump into the conclusion that others are good or bad. This is based on what kind of emotion people bring to them. That person may be totally “bad” or “wrong” if he/she has made them hurt or feel bad. They tend to get stuck in the cycle of playing the victim, which causes them to continue to create more feelings of powerless and hopelessness.
Besides, living environment plays a vital part in people’s tendency of holding grudges. Growing up in drama families makes people assume that it’s normal to hold on to grudges and take revenge on. We don’t know what we don’t know, surrounding environment form us as who we are.
How to let go of grudges
If you’re finding yourself holding on to grudges, it’s good in the first place that you’re aware of the issue. Getting out of your thoughts and take some air to refresh and make up a plan for yourself to seek the best solution. Sometimes, you can’t get everything done on your own. A professional help might be a better choice in that case. Talk to your therapist to have an insight into why you hold to grudges and help you develop skills to cope with difficult situations.
Remind yourself to put in the other person’s shoes before judging anyone or taking things personally. Change your perspective because it might be not about you all the time. You are not always the reason for people’s negative reaction, but actually they just have a not very good day. Or maybe you both misunderstand each other and no one wants to give the other a chance for mutual communication.
Hence, it’s crucial to make time for yourself to practice positive coping skills. Try these small simple steps to change your tendency of holding grudges.
- Considering your own role and what you could have, and might do, differently
- Developing empathy for yourself (and the target of your grudge)
- Make yourself distracted, such as watching a movie, reading a book, drawing, or anything that you enjoy to turn your mind off of what’s bothering you.
- Accepting what happened as it was, acknowledge your feelings and what you can do to make it change.
- Try doing yoga or exercising
- Focusing on the good
- Getting enough sleep
- Learning anger management skills
- Letting go of the past
- Listening to the other person’s perspective
- Practice mindfulness
- Making a plan for closure that considers both sides
- Doing mediation
- Practicing mindful breathing
- Stop judging your feelings but accepting and processing them
- Set healthy boundaries
- Spend quality time with loved ones or a pet
- Talk with supportive friends
- Doing journaling
How to deal with people who hold grudges
What to do if someone holds grudges against you? First and foremost, you need to know that what the grudge holder holds is not the present events or situations, but usually something rooted in the past. A simple apology seems not to work in this situation. It depends much on how much you value the relationship to choose how to react.
Here are tips if someone is holding grudges against you.
- Acceptance: No matter how hard you tried to defend or explain yourself, you can’t change the grudge-holder’s perspective. The more you engage in the conflict, the worse situation will become. Cool yourself off, accept the situation as it is and don’t go over and over into the conversation.
- Forgive: Once you can accept the situation, it’s simple to let it go, and forgiveness is naturally the outcome. Holding on to toxic emotions destroys your inner peace and effect negatively to your physical health.
- Move on: We can’t change other people, but we can change our reactions toward them. Fully acceptance and forgiveness are the brilliant start for you to move on. It’s no use in holding on to toxic relationship or situation. Don’t let grudges or grudge-holders change you, take your control back and choose what you would like to do with the situation or persons holding on to grudges.
Quote about holding grudges
We can learn a lot through wise saying. Here’s quote about holding grudges that might help you understand more and gain more inner wisdom.
Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something; forgiveness, however, is for those who are substantial enough to move on.―Criss Jami
To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.―Confucius
When you hold a grudge, you want someone else’s sorrow to reflect your level of hurt but the two rarely meet.―Steve Maraboli
Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.―Anne Lamott
Some wounds run too deep for the healing.―J. K. Rowling
A life lived without forgiveness is a prison.―William Arthur Ward.
Forget your sadness, anger, grudges and hatred. Let them pass like smoke caught in a breeze. Do not indulge yourself in such feelings.―Masaaki Hatsumi.
Holding grudges do nobody good. Speak your anger or let your anger go.―Sarvesh Jain.
Life is too short for long-term grudges.―Elon Musk.
People go forward in life. Bitterness and grudges and resentments only poison it.―David Furnish.
Grudges are often worse enemies than pain.―Erin Forbes.
Do not bear grudges. I can never fulfil a heart full of grudges.― Gift Gugu Mona.
Holding grudges is like growing a garden of thorns in your heart.―Thandazo Perfect Khumalo
One of the most devastating symptoms of pride is the unwillingness to forgive.― Wayne Gerard Trotman
Most people are only doing the best that they know how to do.Blaming and holding grudges only brings more pain.―Maggie Cox
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Quote about holding grudges from people who spend their time for dealing with grudge-holder and nurture their inner self to be emotionally mature. If you find it helpful, give us a thumb up and return often for more life tips.