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Beyond Love Languages: Let’s Conquer Your Fear of Dating Avoidant Attachment

Beyond Love Languages: Let’s Conquer Your Fear Of Dating Avoidant Attachment

When you are loving someone with avoidant attachment, there are uncomfortable feelings for sure! Practice a few of these techniques with BestLifeTips to see if you don’t start feeling more secure with yourself and with your partner.

It gets more difficult when you’re loving someone with avoidant attachment. You might get hurt. Don’t worry! Let BestLifeTips help you better.

What is an Avoidant Attachment Style?

Attachment refers to a way infants and adults connect to others on an emotional level. Its styles express both being secure and insecure. The attachment style you were raised with may help explain patterns of feeling you notice in relationships.

They also affect how you respond to conflict or how you form expectations about your relationships.

Attachment styles can also be broadly categorized as being secure or insecure, including 4 types below:

  • Secure
  • Anxious preoccupied
  • Anxious avoidant
  • Disorganised

Just knowing your style of attachment will help you form better adult relationships. One of the prominent styles is avoidant. This is a form of insecure attachment.

In this post, you can find out clearly the causes, traits, and loving someone with avoidant attachment.

An avoidant attachment is an attachment style in children whose parents or caregivers are insensitive or do not spend time with them. They may often have a deep inner need to be close to others. However, they might quickly stop or suppress their outward displays of emotion.

This case will happen if children know they’ll be rejected by the parent or caregiver if they express themselves or their needs. The more unmet the need for closeness, the more the children habitually avoid expressing emotions.

As per Medical News Today, in the 1970s, Mary Ainsworth did an experiment about this style. Researchers had parents briefly left the room while their infants played to evaluate attachment styles.

Different from infants with a secure attachment, the avoidant one appeared outwardly calm when the parents left, but avoided having contact with their parents when they returned. Despite the appearance that they didn’t need their parents, tests showed these infants were just as distressed during the separation. Just didn’t show it.

loving someone with avoidant attachment

Source: Capital News

As children with an avoidant attachment style become adults, they often appear outwardly independent. Instead, they try to suppress their emotions and avoid seeking attachment or support from others outside of themselves.

Definitely, adults who have an avoidant style might also struggle to connect with others as well as form a bond with. If you’ve stuck in loving someone with avoidant attachment, what should you do?

Avoidant Attachment Signs

For loving someone with avoidant attachment, it’s better to look for signs to know them.

People with an avoidant attachment style rarely express their feelings or desires outwardly. Of course, if you’ve only heard this far, it is hard if you try loving someone with avoidant attachment.

However, don’t panic. Their insides will differ from what they show on the outside. It is possible that they will feel the same stress and anxiety responses as with the mentioned study.

Let’s find out the expression of that style in adults. According to Medical News Today, a person with an avoidant attachment style may exhibit:

  • Fear of rejection
  • Avoid emotional closeness in relationships
  • Avoid talking about negative memories
  • Feel their partner is clingy if they just want you to show emotion
  • Withdraw and deal with difficult situations alone
  • Avoid complaining or implying something is wrong
  • Stay away from unpleasant conversations
  • Have a strong sense of independence
  • Overly focused on their own comfort

A study from Hong Kong found that in older couples, male partners with evasive attachment styles had more adverse effects on their happiness than female partners.

Do you feel that it’s quite hard when you are loving someone with avoidant style?

Avoidant Attachment Deactivating Strategies

Those with avoidant attachment often wish for long relationships because of fear of loneliness, although they do “deactivating strategies” by their own way to cope.

loving someone with avoidant attachment

Source: I Heart Intelligence

So what are deactivating strategies? Does this affect a relationship or emotion of loving someone with avoidant attachment?

In fact, “deactivating strategies” are those mental processes by which the avoidant convinces themselves that being alone is just as good or better than being in a relationship.

As per ScienceDirect, the avoidant individuals, who expect that others will not be responsive. Generally, it relies on just their own mind that deactivating strategies leading them to minimize distance themselves from others.

Particularly, those often use deactivating strategies to create emotional distance from their partner to minimize threats to their felt security following romantic separation.

These negative strategies do largely through emotion-regulatory suppression. When some are high in anxiety, they tend to engage in hyper-activating emotion regulatory strategies.

To cope with a breakup or even its extreme forms, these behaviors often focus on reconnecting to a former partner because of a sense of obsessive and confused behavior toward particular experiences.

Do Avoidant Fall in Love?

Loving someone with avoidant attachment seems like a challenge to you? Because they aren’t in a secure attachment style like normal, just a little harder.

loving someone with avoidant attachment

Source: Inc Magazine

Avoidant attachment individuals can find love and connection, especially with a partner who understands what they need or those who are flexible and helping them tame their insecurities of fear and doubt.

Signs an Avoidant Loves You

The avoidant heart may seem like the broken heart, which isn’t quick to admit it skips a beat, it will take them a while to catch up with this realization.

Of course, they don’t show their emotions easily. Surely they don’t come too readily, although it doesn’t mean inside you don’t yearn for a happy relationship.

When a guy falls in love, they might not be vocal about it. This is also like the emotion of loving someone with avoidant attachment. It’s not clear but it does if you try to consider carefully.

loving someone with avoidant attachment

Source: PureWow

Look, it’s hard to imagine whether to wait for loving someone with avoidant attachment. Until then, look for these following signs:

  • They break their own normal rules
  • They introduce you to their family
  • They make plans to travel with you seriously
  • They ask to wait to become partner or have sex
  • They display acts of serve sex and physical touch, and gift-giving

Should I Date Someone With Avoidant Attachment?

That’s fine. If you are loving someone with avoidant attachment, you’ve got more work cut out for you.

loving someone with avoidant attachment

Source: Thought Catalog

Loving Someone With Avoidant Attachment

How Does Avoidant Attachment Affect Relationships?

It’s a pity to admit that loving someone with avoidant attachment is hard, truly. Avoidant attachment often affects your relationships in some way.

First, let’s consider emotional unavailability when you are loving someone with avoidant attachment. This is easy to spot in relationships. Those who often use avoidance to manage their feelings as a coping mechanism, instead of directly sharing it with each other.

loving someone with avoidant attachment

Source: Emotion Enhancement

It seems that you find yourself alone in this relationship. When you bring up a triggering emotional issue with the avoidant, they tend to ignore you or change the subject.

When in loving someone with avoidant attachment, they may express avoidance through negative catchphrases to you like “there is no such thing as true love”. Although it was just an avoidance, it made you almost lose faith in this love relationship.

More bluntly, even he considers your observations as unimportant. These behaviors can affect relationships and feelings of loving someone with avoidant attachment.

Solutions For A Partners Of Avoidants

How to Make an Avoidant Feel Safe?

Referred from Free to Attach, here are some solutions for loving someone with avoidant attachment:

Don’t take it personally

Let’s sympathize with your avoidant partner and not to take it personally. Know that the way the avoidant deals with your relationship has nothing to do with you but is based upon their childhood experiences.

loving someone with avoidant attachment

Source: Pixabay

So, loving someone with avoidant attachment is not hard anymore if you think for them:

  • Coldness is how they learned to cope by withdrawing into themselves, so less contact doesn’t necessarily indicate a lack of interest, just different needs.
  • If they behave critically of you, this reflects how critical they are of themselves. On the other hand, if you are feeling unsupported, they may not understand how to do this.

Let’s try to respond with compassion rather than hurt.

Be reliable

When you are loving someone with avoidant attachment, just steady presence. It gives them a feeling they aren’t used to, in a good way.

Be consistent in words and actions, don’t introduce instability and try if possible not to respond to things overly emotionally, which is very debilitating for avoidant.


Intimacy for an avoidant can mean you really understood their needs, respected and not judged. So affirm and validate their feelings, even in painful triggering moments, so they feel heard.

Talk about your needs without powerful emotion or blame

Ask for what you want rather than complaining about what you don’t want. Clear and consistent communication over time from time to time it will help avoidant feel it is safe to give.

loving someone with avoidant attachment

Source: Thought Catalog

Give them space & time

Avoidant will feel safe when their independence is not threatened, so when they withdraw, know that it’s not necessarily a sign of rejection.

Don’t try to fix them

It is very tempting to want to be side by side, but loving someone with avoidant attachment is quite different. So offer support and sympathy, but with healthy separation to experience their own conflict, because it’s part of their growth process.

Be prepared to leave

Only once they feel truly worthy of love are they able to give it. It is not up to you to change them. So, if they show or tell you they can’t do it, it means nothing about you or your value.

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If you are loving someone with avoidant attachment, be patient. BestLifeTips believe that if you can be there for them, provide comfort and support and be a secure base, your relationship will last for sure.