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If you are getting stuck in the thought “I don’t know what I want in a relationship“, don’t miss this article. BestLifeTips is here to help you cope with this situation and suggests some tips for you to get over it.
Should I date if I don’t know what I want?
There are a lot of people out there who are in a relationship but don’t know what they really want in that relationship. So, they may wonder should I date if I don’t know what I want.
In fact, it’s possible to date without knowing what you really want. You can date someone when you even don’t know if you want a fling, a long-term relationship, or to find the one and you shouldn’t feel pressured to go into dating with it all figured out. If they’re the missing piece for you, you’ll gradually know what you want in your relationship.
However, you should consider dating someone when you have no idea what you really want. Since that may hurt the other one’s feelings.
Can you like someone and not want a relationship?
It’s normal to like someone and not want a relationship. It may sound absurd, but it does happen.
Maybe you just simply like them, but you’ll never be looking for commitment in the traditional sense, or maybe you’re in the midst of some serious life transitions and a long-term relationship isn’t possible right now.
There are different reasons why you don’t want a relationship, even if you really like them. It’s fine just to enjoy someone’s time without wanting more, as long as you’re clear with them about it.
As Dr. Klapow says, “If you are not interested in a monogamous relationship, it is critical to be clear to the person you are going out on dates with.”
Signs you don’t know what you want in a relationship
If you have any of the following signs, you’re in the status of I don’t know what I want in a relationship.
You focus on your dissatisfaction
When you are in the situation that I don’t know what I want in a relationship, you’ll tend to focus on what you’re not getting. You want your partner to intuitively know what would make you happy. However, you never tell them exactly what you want from them.
You might see everything that is wrong in your relationship, but not be able to offer suggestions to improve it. This is because you probably don’t know what you want in this relationship in the first place. You are so focused on what isn’t working that you can’t see the potential ways that might actually lead you to what you want.
You don’t see how things could work out
When you think that I don’t know what I want in a relationship, you might settle for something that works in the short term but doesn’t have much potential for growth.
You don’t know what you want out of this relationship because what it is offering you probably doesn’t meet your dreams and desires. And you won’t be able to seize what you want until you take the time to really figure out what that is exactly.
You find it hard planning what to do together
When you don’t know what you want, you’ll don’t know what to do. You probably don’t know how to spend time with your partner, either.
If your relationship is basically built around sex, you might have a hard time envisioning hanging out with your partner outside of the bedroom.
You take what you can get
Probably the most harmful thing about being in a relationship where “I don’t know what I want in a relationship” is that it makes you passive. You don’t feel fulfilled in the relationship and not know what to make it better.
Aside from being dissatisfied, taking what you can get from a relationship is also harmful, as it creates an imbalance in the power dynamic. Your partner probably doesn’t want to always be the one who drives your relationship.
What to do when I don’t know what I want in a relationship?
If you’re are in the “I don’t know what I want in a relationship” situation, start figure it out.
Write down what you want
Sometimes the answers take a bit of time to figure out or you can kind of see them in the haze. However, remember to choose happiness. Eventually, the answer of what you need will become clearer.
Ask yourself what matters most in your relationship. Not all relationships are meant to last a lifetime. Some are meant to lead us toward answers to who we are and to put us on a certain path. If your relationship doesn’t serve to grow in some way, it may be time to move on.
Take time to reflect on yourself
Imagine you are driving a car. Suddenly, a large, thick tarp flies onto your windshield, completely blocking your vision. What do you do then?
You’ll carefully and quickly pull over. You cannot keep driving if you can’t see. If you don’t know what to do, pull over. Just rest, wait, stretch your legs and clear your windshield.
If you don’t know what to do in your relationship, do nothing. You cannot and you should not keep going if you can’t see. Take time to reflect on yourself as well as your feelings, your desire.
Seek for help
If you still cannot find out what you want, find a higher intervention. Start meditation, revalue everything. Seek help from your closed friends or family members, or talk to your therapist to find out the solution for the issue of I don’t know what I want in a relationship.
Let it go
If none of the above solutions cannot help you to find what you want in your relationship, maybe it’s time to let it go and moving on. Your relationship will not go anywhere if you are stuck in “I don’t know what I want in a relationship” situation, and you can hurt your partner’s feelings.
How to date when you don’t know what you want in a relationship?
Source: Unsplash/GRAHAM MANSFIELD
Here are some tips on dating when I don’t know what I want in a relationship:
Don’t stress out about it
Your life doesn’t need to follow the same course as everyone else. Don’t let their stuffs bring you down.
It’s better not to race to the alter if you aren’t ready. It will take much time to find out what you really want in your relationship.
Don’t give in
Sometimes we can be pushovers in relationships. Don’t be pressured to do anything that doesn’t make you completely happy.
As long as you’re upfront with the one you’re dating and honest with yourself, you’ll eventually figure out exactly what you want. It might even be exactly where you are right now.
If you aren’t having a good time, something’s wrong. You need to enjoy yourself and find someone that you enjoy being with.
Speak up for yourself
You’ll never get what you want or even figure out what you want if you always silence yourself. Make decisions. Don’t be afraid of saying you don’t like something if you don’t.
Change your mind
If it doesn’t feel right for you or it is moving too fast, don’t be afraid to change your mind. It’s better to trust your gut.
Go with the flow
You can’t control everything in life. It’s OK if you don’t know what you want from your partner. But if you like where he’s taking it, then just go with it.
Just do what makes you comfortable
If dating doesn’t fit you right now, take a little break and just focus on you. We sometimes forget what we should be doing is making ourselves happy.
How to know what you want in a relationship?
If you are getting stuck in the circle of I don’t know what I want in a relationship, here what you should do to find out what you need:
Clearly define your core values
The most important thing you can do in all areas of your life is to have a clear understanding of your core value system.
Taking time to really think about and consider your core values is an important part of knowing what kind of person will best suit you for the long haul.
Live your single life exactly the way you want to
When you are single, take charge of your time and fill it with meaningful, exciting experiences. Do not let other people hold you back from doing the things you love. That will help you define what you enjoy and don’t enjoy doing.
Only then will you be able to form an image of the type of person who you’d like to be with.
Learn to truly understand and value your own worth
You should accept the truth that it is better to stay single than it is to be with someone who makes you feel alone.
If you don’t understand what you deserve in your life, then how will you ever weed out the people who can’t give it to you?
Observe couples you admire
It is a smart way to take clues from others who are already successful in whatever avenue you’d like to also find success in, relationships included.
Observe couples you admire. Learn from their hard times and be inspired by their good times.
Have open and authentic communication
When you communicate openly and are authentic with other people, they will do the same with you.
Thanks to this process, you can genuinely learn about other people and express yourself in ways that you may not have in the past, allowing learning moments about yourself as well.
- Dating a friend you’ve known for years
- The second choice in a relationship
- How to tell someone you’re not interested after leading them on
If you are in the situation where you find that I don’t know what I want in a relationship, don’t worry. Everything has its own solution. It may take some time to find out and you should learn how to get over it to have a healthy and long-lasting relationship. Follow BestLifeTips for more information.