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Arguments or conflicts are inevitable in any relationships. So is it normal to fight every day in a relationship? How often does a healthy couple fight? How to stop fighting in a relationship? All these questions will be answered in this article of BestLifeTips.
Is it normal to fight every day in a relationship?
It is completely normal for couples to have small fights every day in a relationship. For some people, it is normal to argue every day. As for others, it is an oddity. The number of fights that a couple has does not determine their relationship is healthy or not.
Fighting daily also shows that you and your partner lack understanding and empathy towards each other. You have major things that need to be fixed and worked on in your relationship in order to have a happy relationship.
However, it’s not the frequency of the fights you have is bad, but rather the way you fight. When fights include criticism, contempt, name-calling or yelling, those behaviors will damage the relationship sooner or later.
So how often does a healthy couple fight? Keep reading the article to find out!
Why does a healthy couple fight?
Before finding out how often does a healthy couple fight, let’s learn about the reason why a healthy couple fight.
According to a study in 2019 in the academic journal Personality and Individual Differences, couples’ arguments mostly belong to one of these six categories: inadequate attention or affection; jealousy and infidelity; chores and responsibilities; sex; control and dominance; or future plans and money.
Conflict and argument in any meaningful relationship are inevitable. No one has the same process of life as well as the way they see and solve a problem. Each of us has our own triggers, thought patterns, and emotional responses. For any of these reasons, couples can find themselves in disagreements, which can quickly lead to fights.
Why couples fight over nothing?
Fighting over nothing is a common relationship problem. It usually starts with a harmless comment, a slightly off tone of voice, or a conversation topic that is perceived to be a criticism or attack. No matter how your partner intended saying their words, your perception of what they have said can lead you to the defensive. Then, an argument quickly starts.
Here are some other reasons why couples fight over nothing:
While it might seem like you’re fighting over nothing, this type of fighting may be a sign of unresolved issues. If one or both partners have underlying anxieties or resentments about something, a simple misinterpreted comment can lead to an argument.
Layers of issues
Sometimes the thing we are arguing about may seem like nothing, it can be a part of a bigger issue.
For example, you and your partner regularly have an argument about who does more chores in the house. This kind of argument may seem small, the actual basis of it uncovers deeper feelings about how supported each partner feels in the relationship.
Sometimes, the cause of the fight may not from the relationship itself, external pressures can be the reason. For example, work stresses, financial problems, or losing a loved one can all put extra pressure on a person.
These external factors make you stressed, you’ll likely to lose your patience easily. That makes you have extreme reactions to small comments.
You cannot control or change these external pressures. However, you can do something to reduce the pressure from these and keep a cool head.
Now let’s move on how often does a healthy couple fight.
How often does a healthy couple fight?
Every couple argues. It’s natural for disagreements to arise, even in the happiest and healthiest relationships. So how often does a healthy couple fight? Healthy couples exist in all shapes and sizes. Some couples argue a lot. Others, not so much. The distinction can be individual, or even cultural. Therefore, there’s no exact answer to this question. How often does a healthy couple fight depends on each couple.
How often should you argue in a healthy relationship?
There is no definitive number that can point out when and how often couples should fight. How often is too often for couples who fight constantly? This is all depends on each relationship.
Some couples do not fight, but when they do, it’s the end of the relationship. A few others fight regularly, but they always make up and move on. So only those who are involved in the relationship can determine how often should they argue in a healthy relationship.
Benefits of fighting in a relationship
It may be surprising, but fighting sometimes can bring benefits to your relationship.
Fighting strengthens the relationship
One of the benefits of fighting in relationships is strengthening the bond between the couples. A healthy and constructive fighting allows each person to share their views and express themselves without abuse or violence. It also help you become a better ones and you can understand each other better.
Fighting creates trust between partners
Constant fighting in a relationship allows you to express yourself and helps you trust your partner more. Besides, you won’t feel your relationship being threatened. Surviving every fight gives you more assurance about the relationship.
Fighting allows you to know each other more
Fighting reveals a lot about your partner, which helps you know how to treat them. Expressing yourself clearly through arguments gives your partner a new perspective about you. They see a new side they haven’t noticed before.
You will feel better
Fighting in a relationship also help you to release tension, anxiety and fear. All the anxiety and stress, with accompanying harmful hormones are dissipated after fighting.
Improves your character
You increase your patience, care, and love by focusing on what is important. You realize how much you love your partner as well as how important they are to you after every arguments.
How to stop fighting in a relationship?
Take a look at the following tips on how to stop fighting in a relationship to see whether you can apply them to your relationship.
Dodge the defensive
It’s natural to want to become immediately defensive when a fight erupts. You may feel attacked, wronged, or blamed for something you didn’t do. However, the best course is to objectively evaluate the situation. Did you say or do something causing hurt to them? If so, work to make it right.
Cool your head down
During a fight, our thoughts and emotions tend to become cloudy or irrational. Fighting in this mindset causes more discourse, as we typically say things we don’t really mean, and that may hurt the other one deeply.
If the argument becomes too heated, step away for a while and cool your head down. You can approach the conflict with a renewed attitude once you clear your head.
Watch your tone
Sometimes a message is conveyed through vocal elements other than your words. That’s why you should watch your tone when fighting.
Your tone can make your partner misunderstand your meaning and put them on the defensive. Starting a conversation on neutral ground goes a long way to avoiding relationship arguments.
Remember why you’re in the relationship
Remembered why you’re in this relationship and what you love about your partner. No one is perfect. Everyone has their baggage and personal problems. Remember all the good things about your partner and unforgettable memories you spent together. This can help you to get over the conflict.
Take care of the conflict as soon as possible
Do not allow problems to intensify. Speak up and let our feelings out. Talk to each other after the argument. See how you too think about the fight. Is the way you two spoke to each other right? Be honest to each other and solve the result of the fight.
Express your love and appreciation
Make sure you let your partner know how much he or she means to you. Express your gratitude for the big and little things. Be thoughtful and generous with your partner.
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Every couple fights, even the healthy ones. It’s really important to control your voice, your words, and your attitude during a fight. Hope that this article of BestLifeTips about how often does a healthy couple fight can help you apply some tips to your relationship.